Harry Potter is full of surprises. The world has been craving for new books ever since the end of the last part. J.K. Rowling recently announced that Harry Potter in America during the 1920’s is possible. The possibilities seem endless for us muggle lovers. If that weren’t enough, the Chinese black market has a series of unauthorised Harry Potter books running their course. Here’s a look at 6 of the most insane books.
1) Harry Potter and the Porcelin Doll
Harry discovers Voldemort is planning a trip to China to find his Oriental nemesis Yan Dao Mo, in order to counter him and (somehow) threatened the Western wizarding world. Harry follows, looking for a china doll that is imbued with powers to subdue Yan Dao Mo. At sea, Harry becomes friends with Long-Long and Xing-Xing from a Chinese acrobatic troupe. Where Ron and Hermione are is anyone’s guess. Of course Harry’s new friends are a long lost champion and a secret princess who are able to help Harry save the day, but will the release the porcelain doll from the full-moon curse in time?
2) Harry Potter and Beaker and Burn
It’s about the year Ron accidentally manages to get the telly working at Hogwart’s but the magic goes haywire. Dinosaurs and Pixar characters come to life and wreak havoc among the school’s population. Can Harry save the day before the big dance?
3) Harry Potter and the Leopard Walk up to Dragon
Also known as ‘Harry Potter And Bao Zoulong’ this is literally text from Tolkien’s ‘The Hobbit’ but the the character names changed to those of the Potter universe. Assuming Dumbledore is Gandalf and Harry is Bilbo, who would round out the company? Harry just doesn’t have enough friends to make the trek across Middle Earth to slay the dragon Umbridge in her lair!
4) Harry Potter and the Golden Armour
Harry Potter scrubs his face vigorously with his hands—he is in a porcelain bath tub, carefully washing himself. He is a cultured, dashing lad, he can’t have any cheesecake on his body! Ugh, Harry grunts irritably, unable to wash off the completely caked cake off his skin…”
This one is about dinosaurs again.
5) Harry Potter and the Water Repelling Pearl
The return of Gandolf — Gandalf’s little known cousin — suggests this is yet another Tolkien/Potter crossover. Malfoy listed as Harry’s “good friend’ and a “comrade in arms” suggests a critical misunderstanding of their relationship and/or too much time spent shipping these two online.
6) Harry Potter and the Filler of Big
Despite sounding like a XXX parody title, it only tangentially involves a stripper and/or belly dancer. Perhaps misunderstanding all the references to Dudley’s large belly, the translator has Harry leaving the Dursley home after a rough summer of dealing with his cousin shacking up with a stripper and/or belly dancer. Upon returning to school, Harry must solve the mystery of why all the students keep transforming into wooden stools.